Its time for a change…
Please excuse the rustiness of my pen, as it has been months since I have written. But it is something that I am passionate about and I am determined to keep up with activities that I miss when I lose touch with them.
Something about a major change that always prompts me to want to be reflective, and surprisingly focused. In just a few weeks, we will be leaving the first house that we had together. We are doing this to be closer to most of our family and friends, and to have the convenience of less than a 20 minute ride to work.
And this is where my mind starts to run in overdrive and I become my own worst enemy. My mind has a magical way of finding reasons wage war on change, no matter how small that change may be. This causes me to worry, and inevitably stress sets in. This can make things that should be exciting and fun turn scary.
What do I fear about change?
My inherent resistance to change comes from the possibly that I could end up in a worse position than I am in at the time. Whats worse is that many times I am fed up with the place that I am at in life. But, it sure is comfortable, and safe. This may seem silly to people who don’t over analyze everything that they do. But, believe me I have worked out a million ways that even common changes, such as moving 15 minutes away, can go awry. I don’t do this intentionally; it’s the analytical, left brained side of me that takes over in these situations.
One thing that I want to start to do is allow change into my life as a positive thing.
“Change is the essence of life; be willing to surrender who you are for what you could become.” – Unknown
Lately, I have come to terms with the fact that when things in my life get to a certain frenzied intensity – I want to run.
I’ll admit it. My first thoughts are planning an escape route. But something always stops me (this is probably one of the few times my stubbornness is a positive thing) and brings me back to reality. It’s not the thought that “it could be worse”. I already know that, and am thankful for where things are in my life. I need no lessons in the art of being grateful. More importantly, I now realize that every day we are all fighting our own battles; some are major and others are often quite trivial. This is significant because it reminds me that I am allowed to be overwhelmed by my battle sometimes. I am still learning to not give it a chance to consume me. And, that’s okay – because so is everyone else.
I had planned to do some kind of “photo of the day” postings through the whole year, but that hasn’t worked out well for me so far. Instead, I think that I will make it a goal to not allow the bad of any day to consume me, and to grab my camera when negative emotions flood my mind. My intention: to find something to turn that funk around. This will push my creativity to a new level, and will also allow me to see the beauty and the good above anything else. I need to learn to move past my comfort zone.
Someone very wise told me that nothing works better to change your mood then to stand up and change your seat. It’s as simple as a shift in perspective. Rather than wallowing in the moment, I want to get up and see things differently.
So, here we are.
My 28th birthday has come and past.
And it seems that summer is once again in full swing already.
Moving was rather exhausting, to say the least.
But it seems to have truly benefited the dogs activity levels.
Another house, another source of stress – that can be turned into a boatload of inspiration. ( See? See how I did that? Negative to positive!) I think this is a good starting point to restart the blog, and use this as a place to share our journey through this.
I’m keeping busy with homemade iced teas…
Gardening…
And attempts at relaxing a bit in this state of flux.
My co-worker recently asked me “how do you get rich?” and I laughed it off and said I wish I knew. Then he clarified and said, “Ok – how do you find happiness?” and again I laughed and told him to tell me when he finds out.
To this he replied “I have this feeling you know how, it’s in you. You just haven’t unlocked the secret yet”.
This has sat heavily with me, like a weight on my shoulders urging me to try to find a way to figure this out. I guess that’s what I am here for – as a way to work through the mess that’s in my mind and find out how to unlock my secret.
