I will start by saying that I have been completely uninspired and lacking the deep thoughts necessary to string together a coherent post. I typed away at the start to at least 5 different posts about the holidays; none of them felt right. Christmas was one of the best that I can remember. But it was simple and quiet. And I can leave it at that. New Years Eve was fine, uneventful and even a bit of a disappointment. New Years Day was spent recovering. None of that is worth expanding on in this forum.

I have been gliding along…neither here or there on most days. I’ve convinced myself that there is nothing wrong with being unattached to any major goal or belief. But this has left me with hardly a theme to my life. I simply take the day-to-day happenings and turn them into my entire focus. I work, I clean, I eat, I sleep type of crap.

Now, I know it is about the ups and the downs, the coming and the going of the waves of life. But, without something to work towards… why swim with fierce dedication towards that pool of gentle calm water? What is the point to holding on for dear life through the rough, and stormy patches?

That is why I need some direction — something to really dedicate myself to. Maybe it is engulfing myself in a passion that really sparks the energy in me. Perhaps its being more active in the humanities that I dabble with now. Or, it could be any number of other ‘reasons for being’ that I have yet to discover. But, that is what I am going to strive for in the New Year. 2011 is the year of discovering myself and what I really want out of this stint of time that I am here.

Ive been involved in an internal battle for a good amount of my life. To go be social? Or to stay in and be rested for some hobby the next day? To become a person completely dedicated to my profession, or to have a profession that allows for my personal life to take the front seat? The long list of “this” or “that” which has become who I am continues to grow. It is time to learn how to truly incorporate all the little pieces that make up who I am into me . A happy, balanced me.

I am not what one would call a traditionally religious person. That is not to say that I am not spiritual. I have a connection to God that is my own personal belief and there is no part of me that feels I need to bombard others with my ideology. By the same token, I can share that conscious love and understanding with anyone that I want to without the barriers of religious titles to stop me.

On that note, a personal affirmation that spoke to me states: “I will stop telling God how big my mountains are and will start telling my mountains how big my God is.”

And so, here I stand. Safely on a hill, I am deeply nestled in a valley between two mountain tops. On one peak rests my dreams and desires, and on the other the hazy outline of my potential. 2010 was extremely emotional and deeply trying for me. But, never because I challenged myself or pushed myself to the edge to see the possibility of what may lay ahead for me. The mountains I overcame last year were obstacles. This New Year calls for a New Me , and with that restored sense of who I am meant to me, I will move mountains to accomplish my dreams.